Counting my blessings...

We were married for 7 years before we even got pregnant. In the meantime, we had the blessing of adopting my sister's baby, that she had out of wedlock and at a young age. We are blessed to have Liz in our lives. But to have a child of our own was a prayer that we held in our hearts but a wish that we had come to terms with, would never happen. Finally the Lord blessed us with our son and due to circumstances beyond our reach or understanding, the Lord saw it fit, to take him back to heaven. Devasted and not really knowing if that same opportunity of having a baby of our own would come along, we kept the faith and continued on. Two years after our baby passed, we were blessed with antoher baby boy. Elated beyond words, we embraced this little blessing and cherished our new baby boy.

My body works in a different way. When I am bigger, I don't menstrate or ovulate, and since I have been big almost my whole life, my reproduction system is totally off. I dont know when I will menstrate, therefore I have no idea when I ovulate or ever if I WILL ovulate. So when in Janurary when I found out I was pregnant, I was surprised and excited. This pregnancy was SOOOOOO different from my pregnancies I had with my boys. My boys was such a breeze but this pregnancy I had morning sickness from the beginning to the end. That's how I knew it was a girl. In April, it was confirmed that we were having a girl and Teki insisted from the beginning that we name her after his mom, Ailine Kinikini Lao.

This baby has been such a joy to be around. I won't lie and say it's been kicks and giggles this whole time. She is 7 weeks old and is a tiny baby but she let's her pressence be known. She has a soft little cry but she cries a lot. She doesn't eat much, but she eats alot. She isn't awake for long, but she is awake a lot and so you can probably imagine my frustrations at times. But when I look at her little face when she IS crying, or eating or just awake, I thank God for sending her to me. I'm thankful for her little voice, and her appitite and her little mood swings.

Tonight, I got in a little fight with Teki. I just wanted 1 night, just ONE night that I can sleep all the way thru the night and not have to wake up to her cry or make her bottle or change her diaper. He told me that he works and goes to school and on top of that he has to be up in the morning to get Liz ready for school and go on a field trip with them in the morning, so he had to sleep. For a split second, I wished this wasnt my life. How selfish can I get??!! This is why I really started to blog again. I needed to talk crap about myself and vent about me. What if she just wasn't here? Would I rather have that life? HELL NO!! I cannot imagine life without her here. So what if I only sleep in 3 hour intravals. So what if I only have time to shower every other day. So what if the house is a mess. I wouldn't want it any other way. I would much rather not sleep, smell like a sweaty horse and live in a hoarder looking house, then not have her here with me. Sometimes, well...if you really REALLY know me, you know that "sometimes" word should be changed to "MOST OF THE TIME".....I take things for granted. I am not humble and I am selfish. I am glad that I have an annoying hubby and cry baby kids here to keep me in check.

I am so thankful for all my little blessings here with me. I wish, everyday I wish, that my oldest son was here with me, but I know that he is in a better place. Ailine is such a cute little baby and I look forward to all the mile stones that we will be going thru with her, as well as Isi as he is in the middle of his terrible 2's. And I also look forward to any other blessings that the Lord see's fit to send to me and Teki.