For the past 5 years or so, I have been really contemplating what I need to do with my life. School has always been such an important issue in my family but to date only 1 of my siblings have actually gone to college and graduated. I love being in school and decided, after having 4 kids, that I need to get out and get an education. Even if I use my degree or not, I need to get one for me and for my kids to see that it can be done.\So, I'm back in school. 32 years old and I am FINALLY doing it. It has been a struggle. I am think I am trying to do too much too soon. I just had a baby in October. He is only 13 months apart from my last baby. It was a little too close for my liking, but what can you do. What's done is done. So anyways, I am back in school. I am taking 5 classes, I have 4 small children at home and I have an absent husband. How do I do it? I don't know. I ask myself that question all the time. My husband says that I don't need to go to school because he is working hard to provide for us, but for me, I need to do this. Eventually I want to go into family law. The game plan is to finish my generals at Salt Lake Community College in a year and a half and then transfer up to the University of Utah to get my Bachelor's in Social Work and then go into law school. It's a bit much but I know that I can do it. I am afraid that I may have bitten off more than I can handle but I have a type of personality that hates to leave things up to chance. I like to know that I finish what I started and I am determined to see things that I plan, happen.
So far, school has been awesome. I am pushing myself to do things that I normally would never do, like, wake up early. It has forced me to prioritize my life. I have learned to try to balance homework, house work and kids and though it has been one of the more challenging things to do, I think I have finally found a median. Sometimes I feel like I am cheating my kids out of time with me but I try to think of the bigger picture. We will all be better off with a more educated me :) My dad always drilled into us the fact that he was an immigrant that came from a whole other country and was able to get his masters and if he can do, so can I. He is my inspiration.
And so with all this on my plate, I feel like I am finding myself in the process. I have been so caught up with being a good wife, and a good mother and a good friend that I have sort of lost me. I lost all the plans and ambitions that I had planned when I was younger. I feel like saying to myself, "Hello, it's me again" I am doing it and I love it. Late nights, tears, fears, failures and all.